Keep Holding On
by Shelly Valentine
Summary: My first attempt at writing a Bleach fanfiction. This is AU, as well as Yaoi, so if you don't like it, don't read. Gin IchimaruxIzuru Kira pairing. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

It was so loud in the horrid club that Momo had drug me to. It was hot, and sweaty, and I could literally smell the alcohol dripping off of the dancers as they shoved ever so rudely past me on their way to the dance floor. I wondered why I even let Momo talk me into coming into this place.

Ah yes, I remember. She had pulled the 'puppy-dog face' on me. Yet again, and I had fallen for it.

Now, as a result, I was being drug through a crowd of anxious, clammy skinned dancers; human, arrancar and shinigami alike, and to a booth shoved in the very back of the club. Sometimes I truly thought my best friend was crazy for wanting to come to something like this _willingly._

As I was shoved into the seat, and soon joined by said best friend and two of our other friends, Rangiku Matsumoto and Toushirou Hitsugaya, I felt myself relaxing slightly. Just…slightly, however…

To my right sat Rangiku. She is the lieutenant of the 10th squad, with Toushirou being her Taichou. Momo, the lieutenant of the 5th squad, sat at my left, with Toushirou just next to her. I am the 3rd squad lieutenant. Unfortunately, a bit of mutiny fell through with mine and Momo's Taichou's. Captain Sousuke Aizen and Captain Gin Ichimaru abandoned the Soul Society…and us as well.

It was said that Momo kept in contact with Aizen through various portals and such, their relationship kept a secret from both the Arrancar and Shinigami. Only a select few knew for certain of their relationship, while everyone else spread rumors. My captain, however… hasn't been heard of in over a year.

The rumors of his death nearly ripped me apart upon hearing them. Momo, as well as our other friends, have steadily been putting my shattered heart back together. But it will never be whole. Not without my Taichou by my side.

Moments later, I felt someone jabbing my side. It was Rangiku, wanting to know if I wanted to dance. I…don't dance. Momo laughed, and even Toushirou shook his head and chuckled as Rangiku began to pout. She knew I couldn't resist such a face, but thankfully, the white haired captain stepped in for me, and nearly drug his lieutenant out onto the dance floor. Sighing softly, I slumped down into the booth.

"What's up with you, Kira?" I heard her ask just before she poked my nose. Out of instinct, I sneezed, which only caused her to laugh. I loved hearing her laugh. She had been doing so much for me lately, that I could tell it was wearing her down.

"Nothing, Momo-chan…" I spoke as I observed the bodies dancing on the floor in front of our table. Rangiku and Toushirou weren't hard to locate, seeing as a small crowd had formed to watch as the busty woman ground her hips against the shorter male, who seemed to be enjoying every minute of it.

My eyes, however, had fallen upon the back of a tall, slender man dancing by himself. His body was moving to the smooth, quick beats of the music that was pounding out from the stereo speakers above, yet no one came near him. He danced alone, seemingly lost in his own little world.

I heard whispers. Rumors of the dancing man floating among the other clubbers, but I hardly paid them any mind. My thoughts were focused on the back of the man wearing black leather pants and a flowing white top. His silver hair reached just down to his shoulders, and was swept back into a very short ponytail.

A ponytail resembling the one I used to tie Gin's hair up in so many nights before he would fall into a peaceful slumber.

My heart began to pound in my ears, the sound so great it drowned out even that of the music blasting above me. Silently, I begged, I pleaded for the man to turn around. I needed to see who it was. If the rumors weren't true, and my Taichou wasn't really dead, then perhaps he had come back. Maybe, he had come back to make amends with everyone…including me.

Shaking my head, I pushed the thoughts away. How foolish of me, to think such a thing. If Gin Ichimaru left the first time around, apparently I didn't mean as much to him as I had originally thought, and wanted to be. He would never come back for me.

However, as I was just about to give in and take a sip from the offered bottle of Sake I had been given, the silver haired mystery turned, revealing to the crowd, as well as me, the fox like features of his perfect face. The bottle I was holding slipped from my hand and shattered onto the floor between my feet, which caused Momo to jump in surprise. She tried shaking me, but my eyes were focused on the man standing just feet from me.

Gin Ichimaru had in fact returned.


	2. Chapter 2

Keep Holding on – Part. 2

Was this real? Were my beloved captain, friend, and secret obsession really back, and standing just before me? No, it couldn't be real. My captain hadn't cared enough to stay, so as pleasurable as the thoughts may have been, it was just my mind playing tricks on me again. Yes, it had to be it.

Yet still, I couldn't tear my eyes from the silver haired beauty before me. I could faintly hear Momo gasp, but I wasn't sure if it was out of shock, fear or pure hope. Seeing as she had been in the same state as I had since her own captain had left, I would assume all three.

Everyone stopped dancing once the mystery man had revealed his undeniable features. House music still blasted overhead, as it soon became mixed with gasps, whispers, and various growls of anger from all around. This man brought so much pain and confliction among us.

My legs felt like jelly. You know, that sweet shit that captain Ukitake was always trying to get Toushirou-kun to eat. Nasty stuff, in my opinion, but I'm getting off track.

I felt like I couldn't move, couldn't speak. Hell, I could hardly breathe. Gin had always been the one to take my breath away, even when he didn't intend to. He had always been, and would always remain the only one to do so.

Eventually, I was able to force my legs to move, just enough to where I could slip from the booth to approach the man that had shattered my world. Momo did her best to stop me, holding my arm, if only to keep me from walking back into a world that offered me nothing but pain and suffering. But I pulled away.

I wanted answers.

Piercing crimson eyes cracked open to peer at me, and for a moment I felt my heart stop. Gin had only ever opened his eyes for me. I approached him slowly, and almost hesitantly, as if I were afraid if I got too close, the man standing there would become nothing more than an illusion that would slip through my fingertips, just as he had before.

But I was also afraid of what would happen if he stayed. What if Gin really was back to stay? Could my heart really take another beating from the silver haired demon?

I finally reached him. His hand shot out to caress my cheek, in an almost loving way. I even caught myself leaning into the touch, though I knew better. It was never gentle with Gin. Never caring, or loving. The moment didn't last, however, as I soon felt the cool calloused fingertips biting into my jaw as his hand closed around it. His sadistic crimson gaze focused on my surely terrified blue one, and I felt my blood run cold.

"Ya weren't foolish enough ta think tha' I'd let ya ge' away, now are ya, Kira?"

His words sent chills down my spine. Memories of a life once spent serving the cold hearted fox soon flooded back to me before I could stop them. Pain filled pleasurable nights, long, excruciating days… Oh how I yearned to be under his control again. I was sick, I knew… but this man had given me everything, for only a small price; the price of a broken soul.

I soon felt his hot breath ghosting across my ear. I heard the words he whispered, so seductively. Each word dripping with promise of both pain and pleasure, and my entire body shivered with the mere thought of it. I was gone; hopeless, pathetic, and worthless. But did I care?

Hell no.


	3. Chapter 3

I was in heaven, and I was in hell. A pleasurable pit that twisted and ripped at my very soul, and yet without it I felt as if I couldn't breathe.

With Gin in my life, I was miserable. Without him... I was slowly decaying from the inside out.

His snake like tongue traced the outer shell of my ear, and I could almost smell the lust dripping off of him like sweat pouring from the body of a man on the run for his life. Oh, how I loved that smell...

It was never love, for Gin. No, not for me. This silver haired fox loved our moments together, but the love he felt was for the screams of blended pleasure and pain rather than for me.

I didn't care. Well, I tried not to let it show that I did, but Gin knew. He always knew. It was one of the things that brought that twisted smile to his face; my undeniable suffering and heartache.

I just kept lying to myself, telling myself that one day this would be real. I fought my way into believing that one day... he would stay in bed with me, instead of leaving me to lay in a mixture of both of our messes.

But each time I watched him leave, I felt a part of my heart shattering all over again. He would build it back up, piece it together for a night at the most, only to destroy it when he had grown bored with me yet again. It was then I would realize, that he had used me. Once again, I had walked so willingly into his trap of desire, only to be left as trash when he had had his fill.

I was nothing more to him than a personal fuck toy.

His voice had brought me back to reality. I had spaced, remembering all the previous nights we had been together, and all the while getting lost in the painful ministrations he was giving to my neck. I caught only the last few words he hissed into my ear.

"....My room, now..."

I knew I should have said no. My mind was screaming it, my body pleading with me to turn around and leave this demon behind me.

But my heart said no. To both my mind, and my body. Instead of turning and fleeing like I should have...

I took his hand. I wrapped my fingers around the Devil's pal and stepped right into the fire.


End file.
